Who needs them. Am I right!? Ahh, I wish I was right, but I seem to need them. The problem is I keep getting screwed over. You would think this is not possible. I don't want to seem conceited or anything because I am really not, I promise! But I thought I was a fairly attractive, fun, and cool girl. So then why does no one seem to want me? I know I know, this sounds pathetic, and I know there is someone out there. But when dating situations don't work out and you get shut down again, it tends to start getting a bit disheartening.
Let me shed some light on the situation. This has happened to me at least twice. I had been hanging out with a guy a lot, thought things may have possibly been progressing, even in the slightest way. Next thing I find out is that he has started hooking up with some girl and next thing you now, they've had sex. I sit there and ask myself, so since I'm not a slut and I am actually a good person, thats not enough for a guy?
Guys these days are such pigs. I understand there have been a fair share of pigs over all of the years, but I sincerely think it is much harder to come by a good, and decent guy these days! There is always something wrong with them. Some characteristics or easier than others to get over, but some definitely aren't. If a guy is being promiscuous you know he isn't worth it in the least. I keep trying to remind myself this. I do not want a guy who will just sleep with a girl, that they aren't even the least bit serious with. Which brings me to my next point, It almost impossible to come by a guy who hasn't had sex at least once. Its so sad, but its very very true.
And, I am starting to get all of this nonsense out of my system so I am just going to stop writing about this. I just want to get the point across that Men need to step up, stop acting stupid, and that I need to find myself one of these decent, and sincere men! ha.... good luck with that one.
Welcome back home to me..
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Trust Issues.
I don't understand why someone disbelieves you, even when you are telling the truth. It is not as if you cried wolf all your like or anything. So maybe you have messed up a few times, that doesn't mean that you cannot be trusted what so ever.
finish this later.... I cannot even think straight right now.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Boredom, and fear for the future.
One thing that I have experienced since I have been back home is boredom. I am bored all the time. There is nothing to do! I would like to just go hang out with people all day everyday and never be home, but the parents do not care for that kind of behavior. They like me being at home; this way they can boss me around and make me do things: like loading the dishwasher and taxiing my brother and sister around town. Not cool. I do understand that I have responsibilities and I am not trying to avoid them. Its just, after I have traveled the world, and lived on my own, it is hard to come back into a household where you can hardly make any decisions without something getting pissed off at you for one reason or another.
You may say I sound childish (If you are an older person reading this). But please think for one second: If you are an older adult, after living on your own, making all of your own decisions, and not being told what to do, you KNOW it would be extremely hard and somewhat annoying coming back to live in your parents home with younger siblings and being told what to do 24/7. I actually have to ask permission to leave the house again; this seems almost like a foreign concept to me! And of course parents do not understand. If we live under their roof, we follow their rules!
So needless to say, I am stuck in the house for a majority of the time being so completely lazy it is beginning to be unbearable. I need more adventure in my life! The TV, computer, reading, the computer, (did I mention the computer?) are just not quite cutting it out for me anymore. I do get to hang out with friends on a fairly regular basis, but I need to be entertained every day. (Ok, some days I like to just relax and not be bothered, but this is besides the point!) When I want to go out and do something, I want to go out and do something, no questions asked. That would be lovely.
Moral of the situation: This is what I just sent on chat to Steve and it fit the main idea quite nicely: "true.... but after living an adventure everyday of my life for the past three months.... sitting at home on a tuesday night alone is kind of boring"
Alone is a key word we need to keep in mind for the rest of this post.
Now, my next train of thought that ties in somewhat nicely with the first. My parents would have liked this, Other people may say this would help with the boredom and freedom policy, and I would LOVE the income, BUT I don't want a job right now. Ok I lie, I would love a job right now, and I could have had one (most likely). I was just to scared to walk back in that store and hand over my application. I couldn't bring myself to do it, I feared rejection. Rejection that I couldn't make the cut in the busy season, or that I had been gone to long and didn't still have a tight enough reign on the ropes. Now I just feel pathetic, I try and hide myself every time I pass that store. Which is all the time of course since It is Christmas time; I am always in the mall.
With the job situation is also the "will I get a car or not" situation, because I need to pay for part of it. It probably would have not been a problem had I had a job. I really need a car next semester, which means I really really REALLY need a job next semester. Which is where more of the fear sets in. I am beginning to prepare for the hardest semester yet. It is going to be so tough, I know you can hardly even imagine; and with a job on top of that!? I don't quite know how I am going to handle it, or if I even can. I am beginning to freak myself out that I will not be able to take what is coming to me. The future is so scary all of a sudden! I just want to go back overseas where life was perfect and where I had money. I have never been this scared of the future before, I have never had a problem with taking the future on. (Although writing about this is calming me down just a little).
I guess I became rather fearful and almost depressed the other day because it wasn't only money, and a job, and school, and a car I was worried about. I was also [not necessarily fearful] but depressed rather about being alone. I believe this ties my "boredom" and fearfulness all in together. For the past three months I have been completely surrounded by friends. They were not just normal friends either, they were more like family. Approx 40 of us lived together, ate together, argued [together], and loved together. We were always there for each other. Whenever we had a problem there was always someone to turn to. Since I have been home I am no longer surrounded constantly by someone else. I have been spending a lot of time on my own, and I am just not entirely used to that anymore. Granted there are times when I got sick of every single person on that trip, and it was nice to get away, and alone, for a little while.
I obviously have a few issues to sort out, and a few trials to face, but I know I will get through them! OH! and one other thing: I am just not quite in the Christmas spirit, and that is a bit depressing as well. But anyways, something will work out. I supposed I just need to get readjusted to awful life back in the states (Ok, its not THAT awful! haha). I just love to complain, but now that I have all of the complaints I can currently think of spilled out on this blog, I will sleep better tonight. Getting things off your chest is the first step to feeling better and more ok about the situation. So with that being the case, I am going to sign off and take a shower, and text someone, and get some sleep. Until next time!
You may say I sound childish (If you are an older person reading this). But please think for one second: If you are an older adult, after living on your own, making all of your own decisions, and not being told what to do, you KNOW it would be extremely hard and somewhat annoying coming back to live in your parents home with younger siblings and being told what to do 24/7. I actually have to ask permission to leave the house again; this seems almost like a foreign concept to me! And of course parents do not understand. If we live under their roof, we follow their rules!
So needless to say, I am stuck in the house for a majority of the time being so completely lazy it is beginning to be unbearable. I need more adventure in my life! The TV, computer, reading, the computer, (did I mention the computer?) are just not quite cutting it out for me anymore. I do get to hang out with friends on a fairly regular basis, but I need to be entertained every day. (Ok, some days I like to just relax and not be bothered, but this is besides the point!) When I want to go out and do something, I want to go out and do something, no questions asked. That would be lovely.
Moral of the situation: This is what I just sent on chat to Steve and it fit the main idea quite nicely: "true.... but after living an adventure everyday of my life for the past three months.... sitting at home on a tuesday night alone is kind of boring"
Alone is a key word we need to keep in mind for the rest of this post.
Now, my next train of thought that ties in somewhat nicely with the first. My parents would have liked this, Other people may say this would help with the boredom and freedom policy, and I would LOVE the income, BUT I don't want a job right now. Ok I lie, I would love a job right now, and I could have had one (most likely). I was just to scared to walk back in that store and hand over my application. I couldn't bring myself to do it, I feared rejection. Rejection that I couldn't make the cut in the busy season, or that I had been gone to long and didn't still have a tight enough reign on the ropes. Now I just feel pathetic, I try and hide myself every time I pass that store. Which is all the time of course since It is Christmas time; I am always in the mall.
With the job situation is also the "will I get a car or not" situation, because I need to pay for part of it. It probably would have not been a problem had I had a job. I really need a car next semester, which means I really really REALLY need a job next semester. Which is where more of the fear sets in. I am beginning to prepare for the hardest semester yet. It is going to be so tough, I know you can hardly even imagine; and with a job on top of that!? I don't quite know how I am going to handle it, or if I even can. I am beginning to freak myself out that I will not be able to take what is coming to me. The future is so scary all of a sudden! I just want to go back overseas where life was perfect and where I had money. I have never been this scared of the future before, I have never had a problem with taking the future on. (Although writing about this is calming me down just a little).
I guess I became rather fearful and almost depressed the other day because it wasn't only money, and a job, and school, and a car I was worried about. I was also [not necessarily fearful] but depressed rather about being alone. I believe this ties my "boredom" and fearfulness all in together. For the past three months I have been completely surrounded by friends. They were not just normal friends either, they were more like family. Approx 40 of us lived together, ate together, argued [together], and loved together. We were always there for each other. Whenever we had a problem there was always someone to turn to. Since I have been home I am no longer surrounded constantly by someone else. I have been spending a lot of time on my own, and I am just not entirely used to that anymore. Granted there are times when I got sick of every single person on that trip, and it was nice to get away, and alone, for a little while.
I obviously have a few issues to sort out, and a few trials to face, but I know I will get through them! OH! and one other thing: I am just not quite in the Christmas spirit, and that is a bit depressing as well. But anyways, something will work out. I supposed I just need to get readjusted to awful life back in the states (Ok, its not THAT awful! haha). I just love to complain, but now that I have all of the complaints I can currently think of spilled out on this blog, I will sleep better tonight. Getting things off your chest is the first step to feeling better and more ok about the situation. So with that being the case, I am going to sign off and take a shower, and text someone, and get some sleep. Until next time!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Culture Shock?
They say after having been out of your home country for several months upon your return Culture Shock awaits you. I am not sure if I agree with this statement yet or not. I don't particularly think I have experienced this culture shock. There are definitely different things I have noticed that seem weird or odd to me. These things may or may not consist of attitudes, services, and situations that I most like would have not thought twice about previous to traveling the world. For example, the quality of service in restaurants/ etiquette expected from waiters, or just the rudeness of people in general. The first restaurant I ate when I returned to the States we were in a big party, so we had about 4 or 5 servers servicing our table throughout the night. They were all so rude, compared to what I had been used to the last few months. So in this situation, I was shocked by their lack of kindness and attentiveness. Granted this wasn't always available overseas, but i never had an intentionally rude server, at least not that I can remember. Another example is the confrontational nature of people, and how blunt and/or demanding they can be. Since I have been back in America, people are rude! It may even be my own family members. They don't like something so they speak up about it and demand to have it changed or fixed. This is not to say that I was never displeased with anything I received while overseas, but I either decided to deal with it, as is, or I asked kindly if something could be done about it. Somethings just are not that big of a deal, and people really need to just take a chill pill! Which brings me to a side point. So many people in other countries do not understand the concept of suing someone. Why are we so down each others throats about different ordeals. Is something ever really that serious that we need to sue them for all of their money because we were displeased with something? I do understand the concept and need for suing in certain situations, but we use this "right" so loosely now-days. We just throw around the ability to sue someone like a toy. It is definitely not always necessary to sue people in dumb situations. Sometimes it is your own fault, and you just need to sit back, relax, and deal with it!
Ok, now that I have calmed down a bit.. Maybe I have experienced a bit of culture shock. I knew before hand that Americans in general can be obnoxious, conceited, selfish, and all of the above. But it was not until I returned did some of the things that I had not noticed before really catch me off guard. Like I really had to sit there and think for a moment, this is how people really act? Was that comment, action, gesture appropriate or even allowed in public? It really amazed me at times, and I have only been back for two weeks!
Thats another thing that is so shocking. Only two weeks ago I was in Tokyo, about to depart here. It already feels like so so so long ago! I can't believe only a few months ago I had newly arrived in Australia. I had no idea what lay ahead of me. I have learned so much from all of the countries I have traveled to in the past few months. I have learned the differences in behavior, etiquette, lifestyles, mind-sets, religions, beliefs, what is or is not deemed expectable in certain societies, and so many other things that make up each countries culture. I have learned from Australia to have no worries, and to sit back and relax and let happiness wash over you. I have also learned from new Zealand to make life an adventure, and adventure can be found in all aspects of life, not only from diving out of a plane with only a parachute on your back. From Malaysia I found that even though we are different that is no reason to not be able to live in Harmony. From Vietnam I have learned respect for your elders and even your government weather or not they deserve it. In Cambodia I learned that even though you may not have much, that is no reason to not live your life to its fullest. Singapore taught me the severity of your actions, and Tokyo (Japan) taught me how to navigate not only the city on my own, but how to navigate and live life, not alone, but on my own. There are definitely many more life lessons I have learned while traveling to each of these incredible places, these given are just a minor select few. I am not sure I will ever have an experience like that again. I wish I could visit each of those places at least one more time, but I doubt I will ever set foot in half, or even all of those countries. It almost depresses me. A piece of my heart and my life was left behind in each of those countries, and I will never see it again.
So have I experienced culture shock, you can ultimately make that decision on your own. I believe I have been shocked by encounters I have not been subjected to in a few months, but I do not believe I have entered a full state of culture shock. Maybe I have, and I am just in denial. I guess we all have to figure things out on our own to truly understand its definition or consequence. But until that epitome of a moment, I am going to get some shut eye and prepare for the adventure (or the completely opposite definition of adventure) that tomorrow holds. Every day is a new day.
Ok, now that I have calmed down a bit.. Maybe I have experienced a bit of culture shock. I knew before hand that Americans in general can be obnoxious, conceited, selfish, and all of the above. But it was not until I returned did some of the things that I had not noticed before really catch me off guard. Like I really had to sit there and think for a moment, this is how people really act? Was that comment, action, gesture appropriate or even allowed in public? It really amazed me at times, and I have only been back for two weeks!
Thats another thing that is so shocking. Only two weeks ago I was in Tokyo, about to depart here. It already feels like so so so long ago! I can't believe only a few months ago I had newly arrived in Australia. I had no idea what lay ahead of me. I have learned so much from all of the countries I have traveled to in the past few months. I have learned the differences in behavior, etiquette, lifestyles, mind-sets, religions, beliefs, what is or is not deemed expectable in certain societies, and so many other things that make up each countries culture. I have learned from Australia to have no worries, and to sit back and relax and let happiness wash over you. I have also learned from new Zealand to make life an adventure, and adventure can be found in all aspects of life, not only from diving out of a plane with only a parachute on your back. From Malaysia I found that even though we are different that is no reason to not be able to live in Harmony. From Vietnam I have learned respect for your elders and even your government weather or not they deserve it. In Cambodia I learned that even though you may not have much, that is no reason to not live your life to its fullest. Singapore taught me the severity of your actions, and Tokyo (Japan) taught me how to navigate not only the city on my own, but how to navigate and live life, not alone, but on my own. There are definitely many more life lessons I have learned while traveling to each of these incredible places, these given are just a minor select few. I am not sure I will ever have an experience like that again. I wish I could visit each of those places at least one more time, but I doubt I will ever set foot in half, or even all of those countries. It almost depresses me. A piece of my heart and my life was left behind in each of those countries, and I will never see it again.
So have I experienced culture shock, you can ultimately make that decision on your own. I believe I have been shocked by encounters I have not been subjected to in a few months, but I do not believe I have entered a full state of culture shock. Maybe I have, and I am just in denial. I guess we all have to figure things out on our own to truly understand its definition or consequence. But until that epitome of a moment, I am going to get some shut eye and prepare for the adventure (or the completely opposite definition of adventure) that tomorrow holds. Every day is a new day.
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